The Lounge

A little bit of this and that…

Everyday words with a NAUGHTY HISTORY! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

This all started the other night as I was pondering the word HARASS, URANUS and other words that make me laugh out loud. If you read my last post you know exactly what I’m talking about.

With this curse of curiosity I searched the sea of internet, and one search led to another and I soon discovered that some of the words we use everyday, including our children, *gasp* were invented by people that had to have had a  sexually twisted sense of humor. However, I would like to give them the utmost credit by applauding and congratulating them  for the PUNK of a lifetime! Laughing in the shadows as we say these now very familiar words. Well played, well played. Shall we take a look?

First up…

HYSTERIA

Now:

An over emotional reaction, or chaos

History:
The term comes from the Greek “Hystera,” which means womb or ovary, which also gives us the term hysterectomy. Modern examples of hysteria are mostly riot related, but back in the Victorian era, it was considered a nervous condition for females, caused by their lady-parts.  A “water massage” was then used to treat the condition.  For women who didn’t like being shot in the crotch with a jet of high-pressure water, the doctor could use his fingers to create the same mysterious effect, referred to as “hysterical paroxysm” before someone explained to them what an orgasm was.  I can’t wait to yell that one out!

<= Don’t worry, he’s a Doctor.

So what do riots and these women have in common? Apparently they can both be put out by a hose.

ORCHID

Now:

A type of flower.

History:

At some point in history a botanist was looking at what is widely considered to be the most beautiful flower in existence when he noticed that the roots sort of looked like balls. Whether or not he held them up to his own and had a good laugh is still a unknown.

The term orchid comes from the Greek, orkhis, which means testicle. Those “testicles” are beautiful and smell delightful! Ya, not so much.

This etymology of orchid makes the White Stripes lyrics, “You took a white orchid and turned it blue” make much, more sense.

MANATEE

Now:

A seal’s fat cousin from the Caribbean.

History:

The term “manatee” comes not only from the Spanish “manos” meaning hands, because the manatees’ flippers look like hands (of fate), but also, it comes from the term, “Manati,” a Carib word for boobs.

A sad result of mermaid legends and their association with manatees. After centuries of searching for mermaids to to rock the boat with, ancient sailors realized they had to lower their standards, and simply referred to the manatees as mermaids, who as legend has it, have sensational boobs.

MASTADON

Now:

Is the ancestor of the elephant, like the wooly mammoth, except for one difference

History:

The difference? The tusks. The term “Mastodon” is Greek for “Nipple-tooth,” which is a reference to the tit-like protrusions on the end of the tusks, and the ultimate example of nipples getting hard in the cold. Are my mastodons showing?

It really says something about the guy who coined that term. When faced with the enormous skeleton of this strange creature, he actually took time to notice the very tip of the tusk looked a little like a boob and decided to name this ginormous beast after his little mastodons.

FYI, Mastodon fossils have been found throughout Europe and the Americas, especially at Kentucky’s Big Bone Lick State Park, on Beaver Rd. which is presumably several miles away from Anal Sex Valley National Park. Ya, seriously.

AVOCADO 

Now:

It’s a fruit from Central and South America, and the main ingredient in guacamole.

History:

The word for Avocado comes from the Nahuatl (The language of the Aztecs) “ahuacatl” which means testicle, because of its shape. WOA, How big were these avocados?

The avocado was also introduced to America as the “Alligator pear,” but the other name

stuck so apparently at the time, balls were more popular than alligators.

Guacamole also derives from this origin, with its original definition in Nahuatl being “Avocado sauce.” Well then, put some sauce on my taco.

VENUS FLYTRAP

Now:

A carnivorous plant that eats flies.

History:

The botanists that named it saw the flytrap and realized it looked like a vagina, which is why they added Venus (The Greek goddess of love and sex) to its name.

The plant is oval-shaped, has hair-like cilia, has a pink interior, and secretes mucilage, which is like plant lube.

Then, you add in the fact that it probably has mashed-up bugs in it, and has huge spiky fucking teeth, and we have to wonder if this guy didn’t have some woman issues in his life. It’s so angry!

Actually, the idea of a carnivorous snatch is not unique. Tales of fanged vaginas are so common in different cultures that they have a term for it (Vagina Dentata). I think they make medicine for that now.

SEMINAR

Now:

A group of experts speaking to an audience.

History:

Seminar comes from the Latin term, “Seminis” which means semen or group idea.

If you ever hear someone referring to a “seminal” moment or idea, same thing. It’s the ejaculation that gave birth to something new.

This must be his “seminal” moment face

No Seminal group meetings for me thank you very much.

Cab 

Now: Taxicab

History:

Old Italian term for goats (cabra in Spanish). The first carriages “for public hire” bounced so much that they reminded people of goats romping on a hillside. Thanks for the ride.

Ok, so I admit it…this is not very sexual. BUT the word romping can be!

<=Goats romping

                           Goats also romping=>

Fundamental

Now:

Basic, or pertaining to, the foundation.

History:

Fundamental refers to the Latin, “Fundamentum,” which meant ass, which is the body’s foundation, since both the basement and the ass is where many people store their unwanted possessions (i.e. “Junk in the trunk”).

Fortunately, this is not well known, as the “Reading is Fundamental” organization would have to explain to children that their slogan does not mean that reading is for assholes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Moni Vargas
mvargas269@yahoo.com
cmvargas1025@gmail.com
 

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